The Lessons of Grief

Grief is ugly. It is raw, relentless, and merciless. It does not come gently or leave quietly. Grief stormed into my life like a natural disaster, shattering everything I once knew and leaving me with a version of myself I no longer recognize. It did not ask for permission and knew no boundaries.

Grief is powerful and invades my entire body. It gives pain a new definition. Grief makes me cry until I am tearless and gasping to breathe. Until every muscle in my body aches from the sobbing, and I feel hollow. The emptiness it creates is indescribable. It does not let go quickly and clings to every fiber of my existence in ways I could never have imagined. It is inescapable and shows up in unexpected moments like a song, a scent, a sound, or a fleeting moment bringing waves that drown me.

Lesson One: Grief is a Felon

Grief is a thief. Grief stole my daughter. It robbed the future dreams, imagined and present, with no more memories to create. It stole my joy, my sense of security and stability. Grief took the light out of my days and left me lost in darkness with no hope. It lives in every corner, leaving a vacancy never to be filled. Grief gives a depth of loneliness I never knew I would experience.

Grief gives me anger and rage. Feelings that I never encountered in my life before. The screams of my Grief still echo in my mind, haunting me even after all these years. I am still learning how to deal with this emotion that lives deep in my soul, and it is like a spark of fire ready to be ignited at any given time.

Grief clouds my mind and makes me feel detached from the world. I get confused and can’t express my thoughts. My memory is interrupted by Grief, and I lose everything. I feel like I am crazy, and it is frightening. I don’t trust myself.

Lesson Two: Grief is Frightening

Grief fills me with daily fear—fear of loss and fear of living with its relenting presence. I am so afraid. And I feel frozen and vulnerable to life. I always say I am naked to the forces of life; the worst has happened. My daughter is gone. Grief devastated my world, and now I am I am at its mercy.

Grief makes me sad and depressed. It gives me anxiety attacks that control my movement, whether I am in a parking lot, shopping mall, or anywhere. The triggers of Grief are unpredictable and inescapable. I am still learning how to manage such a disaster. Grief, you are to blame.

Grief makes me not want to be here. I want to be with my Andrea, wherever she is. I even considered removing myself from my suffering of Grief, but My God heard my cries, and I stayed.

Lesson Three: Grief is Physical

Grief makes me physically sick. Some days, I feel weak with the profound effect of the heavy emotions. Some days I don’t eat, and some days I overeat. My physical needs are obsolete. I am sure Grief will be the reason for my new physical ailments. Grief took my decision-making away from those things. It is guilty of turning my world into chaos.

Grief destroys my sleep, and my bed is like a torture chamber. When I close my eyes, I see my daughter’s life and feel the vacancy in my heart. I have nightmares of sweating and crying. Thank-you Grief. Grief takes away my relaxation, my comfort, and need for rest. It is rude and disrespectful.

Grief has stripped me to the core and forced me to rebuild my life from nothing. I have no navigation for this road of Grief. All I have left are broken pieces that lay before me with despair unknown to many. I am at my weakest point. How do I find strength? How do I be the conqueror and win this battle? What do I have that will guide me on this unknown road and allow me to have power over Grief?

Lesson Four: Grief is a Teacher

Grief has stolen so much, but Grief is a great teacher. It has reshaped my world with lessons I never knew I needed.

Grief has changed me. I am more aware of the present. Today is our little piece of time, and it is what I choose to do with the present moment that defines success in my Grief. It has taught me that life is fragile and precious. I nourish life and love and carry Andrea with our relationship every step forward. Grief has taught me to be grateful, for life is a gift. My daughter is a gift, and I am blessed to be her mother.

Grief has taught me that we are all unique and grieve differently. No one’s Grief journey is the same, and that is ok. I can be gentle and compassionate with myself when I cry or withdraw and take as long as needed.

Grief is Inspirational

Grief has taught me that healing is about accepting that some days will be calm and others will bring unexpected waves that knock me off my feet. It is about holding love and loss in the same breath. I have learned that Grief and love can co-exist in my heart. Grief has taught me that love and loss are inseparable. The love my daughter and I have is eternal and untouched by death. It is my beacon that guides even the darkest day.

Grief has brought me to a place where I recognize strength that I never possessed before. Part of me died with Andrea. I had to re-grow, become a new version, and rediscover joy with Hope. As time pushed me along, I realized the power within that was always there. Now, I take the tiny moments, like a smile or the birds singing, and let them take space because I will not let Grief have the final say. I am grateful for life, I am courageous, and I am resilient.

Grief gave me a new motto: Embrace the Moments. Cherish the Memories. Hope for Tomorrow.

Linda Henderson is the author of Amazon.com: The Road of Love & Hope: The Journey of Child Loss eBook : Henderson, Linda: Kindle Store

Read more about hope: Finding Hope Through Breathwork – Open to Hope