When someone we love dies, most of us always wish for two things: one, that the death never happened, that our loved one had never gotten sick and died, or never gotten into an accident and died, and two, if we could just have one more day with them, one more day to say the things we didn’t get to say or to hear them say to us, to feel their arms around us one more time, to say or hear the words I love you or good bye or whatever words we long for still.
This holiday season or whenever the time feels right for you, I would invite you to complete these sentences. You may decide to do them all in one day or you may decide to do one a day or one a week, whatever seems right for you. Then I would encourage you to accept and believe totally that you have said them and heard them and your loved one has said them and heard them.
Forgive yourself and your loved one if you feel there is any need of forgiveness and believe that they have given and received it as well. Let your heart then begin to fill those now empty spaces once occupied by pain and regret, with peace and with love. Do this for yourself and for your loved one. It will be the best gift you can give and the best gift you can receive.
Dear _______,
If I had one more day with you; I would want you to tell me about the time when….
I would want to know more about….
I would want to spend it with you at….
The thing I would most want to tell you would be….
The thing I’d most want you to do would be….
I’d ask you to forgive me for….
I’d tell you I forgave you for….
I would believe you when you said….
You would believe me when I said….
The memory I’d want to relive with you most would be….
I’d tell you that what I missed most about you was….
I would let you know that I was going to be okay by telling you that….
I would honor your memory by ….
Though our loved ones have died the love we share remains.
Deb Kosmer 2011