Transform Trauma into Purpose

Dr. Melissa Red Hoffman, an acute care surgeon at Mission Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina, shares her powerful story of surviving two traumatic losses and finding meaning in their aftermath. As one of only 90 surgeons board-certified in hospice and palliative medicine, her unique perspective bridges the gap between acute trauma care and end-of-life support.

A Life-Altering Loss

At age 19, Dr. Hoffman experienced her first devastating loss when her father was murdered in Cairo, Egypt. He was 47 years old, on a business trip working on a pipeline between Egypt and Israel, when he was shot at a restaurant along with two colleagues. This senseless act of violence, perpetrated by a radicalized individual, would set Dr. Hoffman on an unexpected path.

While the immediate aftermath was overwhelming, Dr. Hoffman gradually discovered that her father’s death influenced her career choice as a trauma surgeon. This realization took nearly two decades to fully crystallize, but it demonstrated how profound loss can shape one’s life purpose in unexpected ways.

A Second Tragic Turn

Twenty-seven years after losing her father, Dr. Hoffman faced another traumatic loss when her partner of five years died by suicide following a severe traumatic brain injury. As a trauma surgeon who regularly treated patients with similar injuries, the irony was not lost on her. Despite witnessing this devastating event, her previous experience with grief provided her with crucial tools for survival.

Within days of her partner’s death, Dr. Hoffman sought professional help, understanding the importance of immediate therapeutic support. She engaged in intensive therapy for 18 months, demonstrating how prior experience with loss can inform healthier coping strategies.

Finding Purpose in Pain

Dr. Hoffman’s personal experiences have profoundly influenced her medical practice. She now divides her time between trauma surgery and hospice care, viewing them as complementary aspects of the healthcare continuum. When she cannot save a life in trauma care, she focuses on providing dignity and support in death.

Her work extends beyond direct patient care to supporting families through their grief journey. She recognizes that the care provided before a patient’s death significantly impacts how families process their loss. This understanding stems from her personal experience with traumatic loss and her professional expertise.

Navigating Traumatic Loss

Dr. Hoffman identifies several unique challenges associated with traumatic deaths:

  • Increased sense of isolation due to the sudden and violent nature of the loss
  • Complicated involvement with law enforcement, court systems, and media
  • Difficulty finding others who understand the specific challenges of traumatic loss
  • Heightened feelings of vulnerability and fear about personal safety

Essential Advice for Survivors

For those experiencing traumatic loss, Dr. Hoffman offers three crucial pieces of guidance:

  • Trust in survival: Despite feeling overwhelmed, remember that you will survive this loss
  • Allow time for meaning-making: Finding purpose after loss may take years or decades – there’s no need to rush the process
  • Seek professional help: Connect with a trauma-informed therapist early in the grieving process

Through her podcast, “The Surgical Soul,” and her TEDx talk on making meaning after violent death, Dr. Hoffman continues to share her insights and experiences, helping others navigate their own journeys through loss and healing.


Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How can someone cope with the immediate aftermath of a traumatic loss?

The initial period requires acknowledging that the world may feel unsafe and scary. Focus on basic survival needs and seek immediate professional support from a trauma-informed therapist who can help process the experience and emotions.

Q: What role does professional therapy play in healing from traumatic loss?

Professional therapy, particularly with a trauma-informed specialist, helps survivors articulate their feelings, reduce isolation, and develop coping strategies. Early intervention can significantly impact the healing journey and provide essential tools for processing grief.

Q: How long should someone expect to grieve after a traumatic loss?

There is no standard timeline for grief, especially following traumatic loss. The process of healing and finding meaning can take years or even decades. It’s important to allow yourself to experience grief fully without rushing the process or comparing your journey to others.

Read more by Dr. Gloria Horsley: Kathleen Gilbert: Couples Coping with Child Loss – Open to Hope

Visit Dr. Gloria Horsley’s author page on Amazon: Amazon.com: Dr. Gloria Horsley: books, biography, latest update

Gloria Horsley

Dr. Gloria Horsley is an internationally known grief expert, psychotherapist, and bereaved parent. She started "Open to Hope" to help the millions in the world with grief. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Nurse Specialist, and has worked in the field of family therapy for over 20 years. Dr. Horsley hosts the syndicated internet radio show, The Grief Blog which is one of the top ranked shows on Health Voice America. She serves the Compassionate Friends in a number of roles including as a Board of Directors, chapter leader, workshop facilitator, and frequently serves as media spokesperson. Dr. Horsley is often called on to present seminars throughout the country. She has made appearances on numerous television and radio programs including "The Today Show," "Montel Williams," and "Sallie Jessie Raphael." In addition, she has authored a number of articles and written several books including Teen Grief Relief with Dr. Heidi Horlsey, and The In-Law Survival Guide.

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