Vehicles help us move. They help get us from one place to another. Sometimes the vehicle of choice is our car. Other times it may be a rental car, a bus, a cab, a boat, a bicycle, a hot air balloon, a plane, or even a skateboard.
There are many different vehicles to help move us through our grief. The possibilities are endless. Most if not all of us will need to utilize more than one vehicle on our grief journey. The vehicle is just a tool and we have to use the tools that will work for us.
Some of the vehicles you may use or be using might include:
Journaling, Telling your story, Telling it again and again, Searching for meaning.
Redefining your purpose, Beginning a new hobby or Reconnecting with an old one.
Art, Poetry, Music, Volunteer Work, Meditation, Massage/Healing Touch, Movies, Support Groups, Counseling, Taking a class, Gardening, Yoga, Exercise, Meditation.
Changing your hairstyle, Redecorating a room, Prayer, Bible Study.
Writing a letter or letters to your loved one, Letting them write a letter to you.
Making a quilt/s out of their clothing, Making scrapbooks, videos, calendars, Memory Bears. Talking to your loved one. Going to the cemetery, writing thank you notes for the support people have shown, saying your loved one’s name, saying it often.
Walking, Creating a memorial, Taking care of your physical self.
Finding new ways to include your loved one at holidays and family celebrations.
You can probably add to this list. The important thing is to choose your own vehicles, not allow someone else to dictate to you. What works for a friend or family member may be very different than what works for you. In grief and mourning, there are no absolutes and no right or wrong way as long as it does not harm yourself or others. It may be necessary to experiment until you find the right vehicles for you.
That is okay and normal. If you have experienced the deaths of other loved ones your journey this time may be very different. That too is normal. The important thing is to begin the ride.
Deb Kosmer
Debrakosmer@gmail.com
© 2012
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