My greatest fear has always been losing a child, and anybody that I am close to knows this. I spoke about it often, and the fear was so nagging that it ate away at my soul and wouldn’t let my mind rest. In fact, when my children were infants, I frequently had to talk myself out of guarding my heart, because my fear was SO great.
It took a sort of power over my life that, at times, made it so I did not want to get too emotionally attached to my children for fear that if something happened to one of them, that I would not be able to go on. I was constantly telling people, “If something happens and I should lose one of my children, God had better take me too,” and in a sense, He did.
He took away the biggest part of me, the one thing that I had let consume my life, my actions, and my heart. He took away my fear. What do you have to fear when your biggest fear has come to pass?
I had been so consumed with fear that I had lost sight of God’s promises. Somewhere along that road, I had obviously stopped trusting in God, his plan, His purpose, His promises. I did this unconsciously, of course, as I had been working hard on trusting God in all other aspects of my life.
Looking back on it now, my children are among the greatest things in my life. I know that andyet, if I wasn’t trusting Him with my children, was I really fully trusting Him? The answer is no.
The Bible tells us over and over again, “Do not worry,” “Do not fear.” I was not listening, I was not trusting, and I spent my life worrying about my kids, my finances, and my career. Because I was worrying, I was not putting my trust in God. How freeing it is, to me, to realize this.
I now live my life without worry. I am God’s child. He loves me even more than I love my own children. He is not going to do anything to harm me. He is my protector, my Savior, my Jesus, my Father. My children are His children. He did not take Justin away from me to hurt me, even though, yes, it hurt. He received him into Heaven with a bigger plan for him, for me, and for my other children.
Mary Swick 2011
Thank you for sharing. Far too often instead of turning to God in difficult/very difficult times, we find ourselves questioning God and somewhat lashing out at Him, rather than trusting in His actions. I pray that all of us can learn from your reaction to God’s ations. Thank you again for sharing.
We grow spiritualty when sad sad things happen to us. I am so glad that you turned to God. He is always their for us in the good times and the bad. The older I get the more I depend upon God and his infinite widsom. Your story
touched me. God Bless You!
Thank you both. And Sharon, truer words have never been spoken. My faith has never been as strong as it is now, and there is no way that I would have been able to get through even one day if I didn’t have God to turn to. I know now what it means to be carried through hard times, that I can look back at this time on my life and see only one set of footprints in the sand, and never question whose they are. Thank you again, and God Bless You as well.
I just finished reading your Book “Justin’s Jesus”. How inspirational! I encourage everyone to read it. It is so down to earth. And the
stories about Jesus that your son experienced just made cold chills run up and down me. As he grows older you wonder if he will remember his experience.
I believe he will. And I hope he shares his story with everyone. What a
testimonal! Mary, I think of you often. I know that you and your husband and little ones think of baby Justin everyday…No one knows how painful this is
unless they have been through it. I believe that Jesus will heal your broken
hearts. Keep sharing your story Mary. God Bless!
Nice words. I would love to speak with you live over the loss of my wife July5. We were HS sweethearts, she was the only girl I ever dated. We started out at age 17 and I losrt her at age 69 after 48 years of marriage. Damn this really hurts and I pray for strength to get through this.