She laughed at my jokes. She never forgot my birthday. Once a week, she made liver for me, even though she hated it. She made it anyway for me. She tied my ties. She told me she loved me. She never minded my cold feet. She made me laugh. She visited my mother. She listened to me. She was the one who always got the family together.
She always asked me how I was. She asked me how my day had been. She forgave me for not being perfect. She was always there. Our bed was never empty when she was there. She cared if I came home.
Now I am alone. I am lonely. I miss her. The house seems so empty. It doesn’t matter if or when I get home. I wake up alone. I go to bed alone. Even when I am with other people, I feel alone. I never imagined it would feel like this. I’m not even sure who I am anymore, without her. I never thought she would go first. I always thought it would be me. I just miss her so much.
Little things. Big things. Sometimes the little things are the big things, the things we miss the most… when the person we loved most has died.
Deb Kosmer
debrakosmer@gmail.com
© 2012