After I’d lost several family members in a short time, the question “How are you?” always threw me off-balance. How did the person think I was after so much tragedy?
Usually when someone asks this question, they expect one reply: “Fine.” I used this answer at first to end painful conversations. But I wasn’t fine, knew it, and came up with different answers to this common question. Months passed, and my next answer to the question was, “Okay.” I liked the answer because it was common language and fit many situations.
“Getting along” was my third answer, the one I used in the middle stage of grief. This answer implied progress, which seemed to satisfy people. When I felt stronger, I answered the question with one word: “Coping.” I only used this answer with close friends.
Finally, well into my grief journey, I said “I’m good.” And I was good because my support system began with me. I had identified the gaps and fixed them. To move forward on the healing path, I needed to become my own support system, a responsible person in charge of myself.
My early efforts at creating a personal system were a false start— confusing and ambiguous. I wondered why. In her book, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia, Dr. Pauline Boss writes, “It’s up to you, in your own mind, to create a safe space—perhaps even a delicious place—where you know . . . that you have done your best and can do no more.”
These words resonated with me, and I took them to heart. I felt I could help others who were grieving, not just relatives and caregivers of patients suffering from memory loss. Reaching out to others would help them and help me.
What steps did I take? I continued to learn about grief. While this wasn’t fun reading, it helped me understand grief in general, types of grief, styles of grieving, what I was going through, and what others were going through. The more I read, the more my compassion grew, and I resisted judging myself.
Excerpted from Winning: A Story of Grief and Renewal: Hodgson MA, Harriet: 9781608082919: Amazon.com: Books.
Visit Harriet’s website: www.harriethodgson.net.
Read more by Harriet on Open to Hope: https://www.opentohope.com/get-a-grief-buddy/