My wife, Bobbie, and I, were not big fans of the cell phone in the beginning, but we did communicate at least twice a day or night. I was a swing shift worker. She was a day shifter. Earlier in our marriage, we used beepers or pagers. They could get irritating without a voice to deal with, but the price was much cheaper. Then there was the problem of finding a phone to answer the beep. But, all that’s said and done, any communication was helpful, and we were thankful for that.
Bobbie and I were both headstrong, and when an argument would flareup, I felt like throwing the cell phone as far as I could throw it. But on the other hand, a cell phone can be a handy instrument to kiss and make up with–so to speak. Our marriage was cell phone friendly, for the most part. We had a strong marriage of love and respect.
When Bobbie was diagnosed with cancer in 1999, the cell phone became a frequent visitor in our lives. It made our lives handier than ever. We became very dependent on the cell phone. Just to call to say, “I love you and I will be home soon,” was a comfort to each other. And on a stormy night, we would call each other to make sure we were okay. We were very thankful we had cell phones during a power outage or a significant storm.
When Bobbie died, in 2001, I was devastated. She had been very ill for sixteen months. Brain cancer finally ended her life. The type of cancer she had invaded her lymphnodes. It had spread fiercely and rapidly. I had to take some time off from work after the funeral and burial arrangements were finalized. My bereavement leave extended to two weeks. When a person was in the state of mind like mine, an eternity wasn’t long enough. I should have taken more time off, because I was not ready to go back to work. My mind was so far away and my future seemed bleak without Bobbie. Some people say going back to work and staying busy is the best thing to do. I wasn’t so sure about that advice.
I took Bobbie’s death very hard. I thought I was prepared but I was far from being there. When I returned to work, I noticed something was dreadfully wrong. My cell phone was silent. This bothered me the most. I came to realize how much I enjoyed the times I would call my wife or when she called me. It was a routine I depended on. Now it was a reminder of the past. I felt like dying. The pain of missing her was so intense and haunting. I couldn’t bear the loss. My cell phone was a deadly reminder. A sad reminder and conclusion–Bobbie’s not here anymore. Sometimes I would reach out to call her, then I stopped dead in my tracks. My shift at work became the most agonizing ordeal I could ever bear. My cell phone was quiet and I was going crazy. I felt so lonely and useless. The best way to describe my pain was to compare how I felt through a song The Beatles sang on their white album. The song on the album, entitled Yer Blues, is painful to hear. It’s when John Lennon sang lead with a moaning groan– “Yes I’m lonely, want a die. If I ain’t dead already, boy, you know the reason why. ” He may have been singing about withdrawing off drugs, but I was screaming inside with suicidal thoughts, dying to hear my wife’s pleasant voice. I might as well be dead, when the cell phone stops ringing.
Earl D. Erickson, is an internet author. He enjoys writing true stories. Stories that his readers can identify with, is what he reaches for. He says it’s all about making his readers feel they are not alone about their feelings. He writes exactly how he feels. He has written many articles for Ezine
Articles. His stories can be read by directly going to his websites or by looking up his name under expert authors at Ezine Articles. He is writing a book about his struggles with alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicide and grief. The book is entitled, Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. He encourages his readers to e-mail him with their comments.
Mr. Erickson, enjoys photography, listening to his library of music, watching videos and old time movies and television, reading, gardening and the great outdoors. He owns and manages five websites. Two of them are: http://VideosMusicandMore.com and http://ComfortandLoss.com.
Mr. Erickson, is a native and lifelong resident of Tacoma, Washington.
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This really hit home. My husband of only six years died at the age of 39 in December 2008. We have two young children 5, 4. He died from melanoma, which attacked his lymph nodes right off and never stopped. He died 13 months after his initial diagnosis.
He was my best friend and spouse. He was my other half and it feels like so much of me died with him and will never come back. We, also, worked different shifts so that he would take care of the kids during the day. We were both journalists working at the same news organization in suburban Chicago.
Our whole relationship grew from a friendship into a romance because of our talking on the phone, We loved to just share the mundane things or funny experiences with each other. So this essay really struck me at the core because that is how I feel during the day when I cannot call him from work. Or vice versa.
I am not suicidal but I cannot imagine going another 40 years without him.
I feel your pain and am so sorry for what you are going through. I too want to pick up the phone on a daily basis and talk to my husband and best friend. I was particularly touched by your comment tht I am not suidical but I cannot imagine going another 40 years without him. My husband was my rock and the life of the party He would have loved to play with his grandkids and I am not sure how to deal with this new aspect of our life except love them twice as much. Good luck to you . . . and again I am sorry for your loss.
This article really hit home for me too. It’s now only been a little more than a month, when my wife Debbie lost her ~4-year battle with breast cancer, at 39. When I was out of town for work last week, it really hit me how much we used to talk to each other. Several times on my drives out, every night in the hotel before we went to bed, in the mornings before I would start my day, and pretty much every morning and evening during my long commutes.
It’s just so quiet now.
Your story sure struck home for me too- 4 months ago my fiance (we lived together 5 yrs) died in a motorcycle accident- he used to call me 2 to 5 times a day on my cell- there were many, many times when I would suddenly think about him and my cell would start to ring and he was calling me – it always freaked me out. Before I met him, I had been divorced for 3 years and my cell phone was hardly used, I often thought of just turning it off and now without my sweetheart, my phone is silent again – I cannot describe how incredibly sad and lonely it is- and now when it does ring, for the briefest of moments I always feel my heart surge and think “there’s my baby!” – the immediate letdown afterward is lethal. I also understand fully the comment “I am not suicidal but I cannot imagine another 40 years without him” – I can’t even imagine getting through this night without him- and it definitely seems to be getting worse- I had not heard this is normal- that’s a little comforting- but I feel so lost and despondent I am going to swallow my pride and seek professional help- I hope for all of us that we can find healing.
Oh the phone. My darling mother who died suddenly late last year and I were always on it taking to each other. Now there really isn’t anyone I can just pick up the phone to whenever I want or need to and know they will be absolutely sure they are happy to hear from me. The dam thing just sits silently on my desk at work and when it does ring on the odd occasion I nearly jump out of my skin. What I would give for one more phone call to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her and thanked her for being my mother.
My husband passed away two weeks ago tomorrow from melanoma. He fought a brave fight for three years. I miss his phone calls and texts and it breaks my heart to hear his voice mails. While I struggle through these days, I wonder what the rest of my life wil be like without him.
My husband passed away suddenly on Halloween. He lived in California, i live in Canada. I had the last text messages from him and last night i sent him a text telling him i loved and missed him and i wish he would call or text me back….