Where am I in my Grief Journey

It’s hard to believe my sister Jane is gone 43 years, and in August, my sister Margie will have been gone for 34 years. In November, Jane would be sixty-five and Margie seventy. I am about to enter my challenging months, although some years harder than others, no rhyme or reason.

After thirty years of suppressing my grief, I dug deep and went into heavy therapy, and honored Margie and Jane with Celebration of Sisters, an annual ice-skating fundraiser in a sport we all shared. The fundraiser is on pause, and I may bring it back for my seventieth birthday in 2026.

Waited Too Long to Start

A piece of me will never allow myself to get over the regret for waiting years to work on the grief. My head knows at age twenty-five I did not understand grief and overwhelmed by both losses and the trauma of Margie’s illness. My heart sends me another message.

In the past three years, with the publication of my memoir, Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late To Grieve, which I wrote to help others in their grief, sharing my story over and over has been emotional. Being a guest on numerous podcasts proved to be more draining than I expected. It was strange not talking about grief or my sisters for decades, and then being open is an unknown phenomenon I was experiencing.

I have learned when you are open, wonderful individuals come into your life and others are open to share their story. I have dug deep into myself, who I am and what works for me on the grief journey. It is important for me to give back and help others, find others who “speak” my language, and set boundaries. If there is an event, especially a funeral, a trigger, I choose not to attend, rather than sit and sob uncontrollably.

Giving in to Feelings

Rather than fight or squash my feelings, I try to give in. If that means having a good cry, staying home, going skating, taking a walk, listening and trying to take care of me understanding that is not being selfish.

I realized I am not a group person; I prefer one-on-one. I never read a lot on grief and still cannot do so, small amounts. Finding peers of my age who have lost siblings has been a genuine gift, one I never had, in addition to other bereaved siblings I’ve met along the journey. I accept my introvert personality and embrace it.

My grief journey is constantly evolving and changing. Horrified when my daughter told me grief defined me, forced me to look deep inside myself. Grief is part of me. Looking back now I realize the impact it had on me and understand more and appreciate that everyone’s time frame to grieve is their own. Margie and Jane are forever part of my past, present and future.

Today I ponder and never dreamed I would be where I am today–author, speaker, skating performer, board member, and grandmother of three.

I can hear my beloved sisters cackling on the sidelines, “Judy why did you wear that outfit?’ but know their deep sisterly bond and unconditional love.

Read more from Judy Lipson on Open to Hope: https://www.opentohope.com/selecting-songs-…honor-loved-ones/

Purchase Judy Lipson’s book at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608082679/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0