Dear Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi,

Just last March my 48 year old daughter, mother of 5 young girls, died of a cerebral hemorrhage.  My older sister and two of my husband’s brothers came over and stayed in our house for three weeks to help us in our grief. It did wonders.

The day that they left I really broke down. I don’t feel like leaving the bedroom, I read a lot and watch TV, no cooking, neither my husband nor I are hungry much. I let messages accumulate on the telephone.

I was never a very social person, I am an introvert and can do without yakking on the phone.
I know that I may eventually get over my grief but if there is someone out there with a similar disposition than I who can help me to with advise on how to “self help.”

Suzanne

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Respond
Dear Suzanne,

We are so sorry for your loss. You are wise to ask for help, but you need to know that it has been a very short time since your daughter’s death and the grief is still very new and the pain very raw.

As parents the hardest thing we are ever asked to do is burry our child regardless of their age. It would be nice if we had a timetable that told us when our grieving would end just because the time is up,  but there is no time limit on grief, neither is there a right way or wrong way to grieve. We just have to take it one day at a time – sometimes one hour at a time and find a way that works for us.

You and your husband need to be gentle with yourselves and take extra care to get good nourishment, rest and exercise to help you get through this time because it isn’t an easy road and we need all the strength we can get.

There is a group called The Compassionate Friends whose membership is composed of bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings who come together to share pain, comfort and healing. You can find a group near you by going to http://compassionatefriends.org. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation.  However, we understand that groups are not for everyone.  If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.  We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.

If you like to read, there are many books listed on our website about grief and grieving, may authored by the guests on our radio show. You can order them online and Amazon.com will ship them directly to you.

You will find that over time the sharp edges of grief smooth out a bit and the pain is not so intense. While the pain may not ever go away completely there is a time when it is more bearable.

Again, our condolences,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley