It was June 11th when my grandmother was diagnode with cancer noone expected this news my grandma was always so energetic,cheerful and upbeat. It was so hard for the family to cope with the news but we all thought that we would have more time with her, sadly her illness took drastic and fast effects on her. She died in August and Im not feeling better I have a heavy heart because I feel I shouldve dedicated more time to her during the last days. I have a 5 mnth old and she only got to carry him once because she was so weak. I cant stop feeling so sad and tormented about the way she died she was so kind, cheerful and loving she didnt deserve to die the way she did. When I think about her I want to cry and never stop its itring and I have two boys I take of but this has taken my interest in life and it makes me so angry at myself that im not all there for my children at the moment. If someone relates to my story please tell how you found peace and happiness again.
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Violet – I empathize with how you are tormented with memories. I was primary caregiver for my husband as he was dying at home with hospice, and I made mistakes along the way. I had to do EMDR therapy to help me release some of the persistent memories. I would also say that I take comfort in WHERE I place my attention. If I place all of my attention on the time before he crossed over, I can get in a really sad space. If I also shift my attention to times when things were good, or on relating to him spiritually now (I believe in some way that he is still a spiritual being, just not positive on what that looks like) I can feel better about things in general. I spend a lot of time talking to him and listening for what he (is or would) say to me. Please, I hope you come back and say more about your thoughts and feelings. I hope to see your writing here soon…
I am sorry for you loss, Violet. It is quite natural to look back and see things we wish we had done differently. However, doing so sounds like it is draining you. You wisely identified that you have two sons who need your love and attention. Your grandmother sounds like a truly wonderful person. When I was struggling with deep grief over losing my husband to cancer, I asked myself at one point how he would feel about me living in the past dragged down by things I couldn’t change. I realized he would have wanted me to make something of my life and find the gift in the loss. He lived his life after his diagnosis in spite of the cancer and would want me to do the same…in spite of the grief. Consider asking yourself what would your grandmother want for you and your boys if choosing between living in the past with regrets or consciously choosing to accept this lesson from her of being present now and investing your time and energy raising your boys? It is a way of being of service to others which, in my experience is a positive way to focus your grief energy. Sometimes the most powerful way to honor those we have lost who loved and lived well is to live the extraordinary life they would want for us.