Widower Reflects on Grief Thirty Years Later

Widower Reflects on Grief

One evening in my bereavement support group, a couple of months after my wife Susan died, a woman spoke about how comforting it had been to be able to cry for her first husband in the presence of her new second husband. I told her that I hoped I might meet someone so tolerant of my love for someone else. She replied, “You won’t settle for anything less.”

I have been married for twenty-eight years to a woman I became friends with a few months after Susan died. Yvonne was patient and giving enough to let me grieve without demanding too much of me.

Second Wife Accepted his Grief

At times it was very difficult for both of us, and it took time to build trust around my grief. When I was able to cry for Susan in Yvonne’s arms, I knew I had found someone with whom I could make a lifetime commitment. At that moment I felt Susan joyfully give me her blessing.

As I grow older and look back at my life, I am awed by the unexpected twists and turns in my life’s path. A chance meeting at a swimming pool while visiting Susan’s best friend led to meeting Yvonne. I’d always wanted a child, but Susan couldn’t safely bear one; with Yvonne, I became a father. Falling off a ladder and breaking several bones led to a career change and financial stability for the first time in my life. Every step was an inflection point, though I didn’t know it at the time.

I am brutally aware that it could all come crashing down. Few days go by when I don’t remember that my wife or our son could die in a car crash, that I might die tomorrow and leave my family bereft. I don’t lose sleep over it, but I know that life is fragile and everything can change in a moment. The reality of that is terrifying and sobering. I am grateful for what I have every day. I don’t take any of it for granted.

Excerpted from Mike Bernhardt’s book, Voices of the Grieving Heart: https://mikebernhardt.net/order

Read more from Mike Bernhardt: https://www.opentohope.com/writing-poems-can-heal/

Mike Bernhardt

Mike Bernhardt’s personal journey with grief and poetry began when his first wife died in 1991. To express feelings that were often overwhelming, he turned to writing poetry. He also searched for books containing other people’s poems about grieving the death of a loved one but found little that moved him. So, he decided to create his own book. Voices of the Grieving Heart is a unique volume with over 160 selected poems, essays, and images by 83 contributors sharing their experiences of loss, grief, and transformation. Mike is a Certified Grief Educator and is trained as a facilitator in Poetry as a Tool for Wellness. He has been interviewed about grief, and the power of poetry to express the inexpressible, on radio and on a number of podcasts, including Open to Hope. He has been a presenter at various organizations including the National Association for Poetry Therapy and Rotary International. To learn more or buy Voices of the Grieving Heart, visit https://mikebernhardt.net.