Loss of a Family Member

Loss of your pet can leave a hole in your heart. Get support by reading, watching and listening to friends who care.

Open to Hope Radio

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  • Episode 229: Grief as a Teacher

    Posted on November 6, 2024 - by admin

    Is it possible to learn something from your grief? Join host Dr. Heidi Horsley and her co-host Alan Pedersen as they discuss how grief can be a teacher. Joining them are, Jason Wendroff-Rawnicki, Carin Mikos, Jan Jeremias, Bill Correll, Jordon Ferber, and Kelli Holst. Co-host Alan Pedersen has presented programs for grieving families in over 1,600 cities and is the former Executive Director for The Compassionate Friends. Jason Wendroff-Rawnicki, is a somatic therapist, who started SIBS online, a weekly peer to peer support group. Carin Mikos, is the creator of Quietus House, and podcast host for In the Gap. Jan […]

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  • Open to hope

    Episode 30: Pet Loss

    Posted on February 12, 2014 - by admin

    On This show Dr. Gloria Horsley; and Dr. Heidi Horsley discuss the death of a pet with pet loss experts Bonnie Goodman and Dr. Betty J. Carmack, R.N., Ed.D. Betty is a researcher and author of “Grieving the Death of a Pet”. Bonnie is a certified Thanatologist and grief Counselor. The show closes with music by Peter Anderson and Randy Cookson.

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Articles

  • Loving a New Pet after the Last Pet Has Died

    Posted on July 29, 2024 - by Veronica Crawford

    Loving a Pet From as early on as I can remember, I have always connected with animals. My first pet was an orphaned lamb, Mary. I was obsessed with horses and fascinated with butterflies, frogs and caterpillars – any creatures that found their way into my world. Loving animals inevitably means at some point you have to say goodbye. Now, when I see people and the beautiful bond they have with their pets, my first thought is of the grief that lies ahead. The Healing Process Ever since my beautiful dogs Max and Blaze passed on, I have not been […]

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  • The Magic of a Child’s Grief

    Posted on May 14, 2024 - by Anne Abel

    Son’s Grief Opens a Door I got a belated birthday card from my mother for my 41st birthday. “To Our Wonderful Daughter,” was scripted on the front, in gold, above a bouquet of pastel flowers. Inside, on the right page, in the same Hallmark font: “Another year of the one-and-only you.”  On the left, was my mother’s black-scripted message: “Anne, I was only 22 when you were born. I didn’t want to have you, I had other things I wanted to do. But, here you are. Love, Mom”. My mother had been waging guerilla warfare on me my whole life. […]

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  • Childhood Pet’s Violent Death Still Haunts

    Posted on May 6, 2024 - by Anne Abel

    Childhood Pet was a Gift My father worked in a lab at MIT next door to an animal experimentation lab. The summer I was seven, he surprised us with a beagle puppy that the lab didn’t need anymore. He was so cute and cuddly. “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” was a song I heard all the time on the radio at our neighbors’ house. I immediately named the puppy Teenie. I loved this little dog. He was perfect. I would nestle beside him on the living room rug, rubbing his warm belly and pat- ting his soft […]

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  • Emotional Responses to Grief

    Posted on February 19, 2024 - by Ilana Estelle

    Grief is a highly individual and complex emotional experience that manifests differently in each of us. People may express their grief through a variety of emotions and behaviours. Some common ways grief can manifest include: SADNESS AND TEARFULNESS Grief can often involve a deep sense of sadness with memories that can leave many people tearful. ANGER AND GUILT People can often feel angry at their situation, at themselves around their loss. Through grief, they may also direct their anger at others. Guilt around loss can be something individuals grapple with. Some individuals may also feel remorse, questioning if they should […]

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  • Embracing Grief When a Pet Dies

    Posted on February 5, 2024 - by Ken Breniman

    Embracing Grief When a Pet Dies In the midst of grieving, have you ever been surprised by a sign that you are on the right path or at the right place at the right time? Recently, I had to bid farewell to a beloved canine companion. The grief I am experiencing has been both heart-wrenching and strangely comforting, enriched by unexpected synchronicities that allowed me to embrace the purity of sadness and the joy of having loved a pet. I share this journey in the hope that it not only affirms something you may have experienced but also serves as […]

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  • Letter to a Dear Pet: One Year After Her Death

    Posted on January 5, 2023 - by Veronica Crawford

    Letter to a Dear Pet Dear Blaze, my spirited and loyal friend. It has been twelve months since you transitioned. Just twelve months, yet it feels like a lifetime ago. Your empty bed still sits on the floor, the coat you would wear when you went for a walk to keep you warm in the cooler months is still draped over the chair. Your medication is still in the kitchen drawer. I am still not ready to put away your belongings; I would have to fully accept you aren’t coming back. Your life before coming to live with us was […]

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  • Dear Max: Last Words to a Special Dog

    Posted on January 3, 2023 - by Veronica Crawford

    Dear Max – AKA squishy, macchiato, mackie, snowy, little man, maximus and monkey. I miss you so much. So much that it hurts to think about it. I haven’t fully processed losing you. The best I can do is grieve in small moments and then I shut my mind down to cope. You were my world for nineteen years. Your nose smudges (and Blaze’s) are still on the back glass door and windows, the two favourite spots where you kept a close eye on the world outside. My timber furniture still has chew marks in it as a reminder of […]

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  • Coping With the Loss of a Beloved Pet

    Posted on December 11, 2022 - by Jacqui Coombe

    Introduction Our animal family members provide us with joy, loyalty, and unconditional love. The loss of a beloved pet can be an excruciating experience. Despite that, our society can trivialise or even mock the extreme grief that many pet owners suffer during their bereavement. This sadness can be as intense as the loss of a partner, close relative, or friend. As research suggests, grief at the passing of a pet can last for months to a year or longer. Due to the fact most pets don’t live as long as their human owners, most owners will experience the loss of […]

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  • Open to hope

    Five Common Pet Loss Grief Myths

    Posted on October 10, 2021 - by Wendy Van de Poll

    Would you like more support with your pet loss journey? Are people saying things to you that don’t make sense or feel supportive? If so, it is important to consider the common pet loss myths on your healing journey. We have many pre-conceived ideas as to what death is about and how we “should” react to it or dread it. No matter where you are with your beliefs, it is important to approach these myths with an openness and willingness to heal. The key to making these myths help you is to be aware of them, know how you feel about […]

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  • Suddenly This Summer

    Posted on August 23, 2019 - by Carol Henderson

    On the evening of July 4th, 2019, I was sitting with my daughter Olivia and my son-in-law Patrick on their small New York City apartment terrace. In the far distance, the sky brightened in smudges of pastels as the fireworks boomed. Olivia said in a hushed voice, “I just wonder, where is she? Where is Stella?” She was talking about her dog, her soulful pet/baby Stella, an abused rescue Bichon-mix Patrick and Olivia had saved nine years ago. The little white dog was utterly devoted, followed Olivia around the apartment, spent hours, days, on Olivia’s lap, and whimpered when either […]

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  • The Loss of My Fur Family

    Posted on June 6, 2019 - by Ann Schiebert

    Lately, I have had many patients come to see me to get grief counseling over the loss of a beloved pet. Their grief aroused my grief over my past losses. The thought came to me that we have a lot of attention focused on loss of a parent, loss of a child, loss of a spouse, or the loss of a friend, but it seems that there is little support for those who have lost a member of their fur family. For me, I have lost both an adult child and pets. I love my pets as much as I […]

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  • David Meagher: Children and Pet Loss

    Posted on December 7, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

    How can you help children address pet loss? David Meagher, a professor emeritus at The City University of New York, explains that pets genuinely become part of a family. The grief many feel for their pets is on par with grief they may feel for a close family member. Dr. Gloria Horsley of the Open to Hope Foundation discusses with Meagher how adults can help children address their grief and heal from it. This can be especially challenging when everyone in the family is experiencing acute grief from this traumatic loss. Many times, for a child, losing a pet is […]

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  • Deborah Antinori: Pet Loss

    Posted on July 10, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

    Registered nurse and licensed professional counselor Deborah Antinori joins Dr. Heidi Horsley to talk about pet loss, one of the most disenfranchised losses. She’s also a drama therapist and grief counselor. There are practical and emotional issues surrounding pet loss. When you lose a pet, it’s similar to any other kind of loss. Sadness, tearfulness, depression, and anxiety are all common. Pets are with you every day, and when they’re gone it feels like something is very wrong. You might feel angry with yourself—should you have taken them to the vet sooner? It’s easy to blame yourself, your vet, and […]

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  • Open to hope

    Remembering Izzy

    Posted on September 30, 2015 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

    It was a baby rat. Recently, after years of contemplating the possibility, I obtained two adult rats as pets. They were potentially to be used as live examples in the psychology classes I taught, and in a fun way—treats all around! A day after I received the rats, the previous owner informed me that one of the 5-month-old females “might” be pregnant. Two weeks later, that possibility became a reality. Ten baby rats emerged, and all were seemingly healthy and active. They were cute, to say the least. As they grew, it became obvious that one in the litter was […]

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  • Open to hope

    Cori Bussolari and Wendy Packman: Pet Loss

    Posted on July 26, 2015 - by Cori Bussolari

    A professor at the University of San Francisco, Dr. Cori Bussolari, and a professor at Palo Alto University, Dr. Wendy Packman, recently spoke with Dr. Heidi Horsley during the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling about the grief process that follows the loss of a pet. Having just completed a study on pet loss together, Dr. Packman says, “The most immediate thing (a person who has lost a pet needs) is to garner support.” Many times pet loss can be disenfranchised, although that’s improving in the US. You may have people and support networks already in your life that […]

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  • Open to hope

    Helping Kids Cope with the Death of a Pet

    Posted on February 28, 2014 - by Linda Goldman

    All too often, pet death is discounted as not important, and those undermining words, “We’ll get you another one,” are offered as a hollow consolation. They diminish the love the child has for their pet, whether it is a goldfish, a hamster, a dog, a cat or a horse. The death of a pet can serve as a “teachable moment” to include children as recognized mourners and prepare them for other deaths or losses that might occur in their lives. The story of Sammy Sammy was Jasmine’s pet dog. He was hit by a car and severely injured with no […]

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  • Open to hope

    Condolence Letter on the Death of a Pet

    Posted on September 24, 2013 - by Janet Gallin

    I have watched people go through loss of a loved pet and can see how hard it is to say goodbye to those four-legged members of our families. Having seen friends through this heartbreak of having had to say goodbye to the very family member who loved constantly and without question, kept their children safe, guarded them from danger and brought joy into the home, I realized how important it is to send a love letter of condolence to families who are suffering this particular grief. Rosie’s death was a wrenching change, an agonizing absence and called for a memorial […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 9

    Posted on December 5, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    My Uncle Steve turned 94 yesterday. I’m very happy that he’s still with us, and very proud that he has reached such an advanced old age. We tried to bring him home from the rehabilitation center last week, but the hospice worker recommended some accommodations to the house that had to be fulfilled before he could sign off on the transfer. The major one was to remove furniture and make space for a hospital bed, which at eight feet long and four feet wide, is a big order to fill. The other was to remove any object that might cause […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 8

    Posted on December 1, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    I feel very anxious today, more anxious than I have been since I found out that my uncle has terminal cancer. He has been in a rehabilitation center for a month to work on strengthening his muscles and coordination. He was supposed to come home today.  I visited him for four days in the center. It was very strange to be there and brought back memories of visiting my granddad in a nursing home in the late 1970s. Uncle Steve looked well, and he was eating well. His mind is still very sharp. I appreciate that.  I still have to […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 7

    Posted on November 4, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    It has been a week since I found out that my Uncle Steve has terminal cancer. I’ve felt sick to my stomach. I’ve felt calm. I’ve felt trapped. I’ve felt hopeful. I try to think about how I’ll feel without him in my life. I wonder what his life will be like until the end. I thank God for painkillers. I call him every day. I’ve planned a trip on November 13th when I’ve completed my work contracts and can drive across the state to see him. I ask him how he feels every day. He says, “I’m hanging in […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 6

    Posted on October 30, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    There are certain beings in this life that I love more than anyone else. They are: my dogs Isabella and Camilla, my boyfriend Walter, and my Uncle Steve. I lost Cami due to a brain tumor seven weeks ago. I have struggled to keep on top of my emotions – and by that, I mean that I have struggled to always face my emotions and not push them down. It has been very hard to concentrate for any length of time. And it has been hard to keep my motivation strong. Last week was so hard that I couldn’t even […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 5

    Posted on October 16, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    A Forever Decision, Part 5 I am beginning to remember things about my daily life with my dog, Camilla, that give me pleasure. When she lost her sight, I would walk her up and down the straight sidewalk in front of our house. When we came to a step, I would say, “Step,” and stop her. Then I would reach down and take her paw and pat the top of the step so she could get oriented. Then we would walk on the steps. I feel a warm swelling in my heart when I remember it. To think that I […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision, Part 4

    Posted on October 8, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    It has been a month since I lost my beloved Camilla due to a brain tumor. Today I felt desolate. Tears sprang into my eyes when I thought of what we went through a month ago. The grief was fresh enough to constrict my throat and blur my vision. I’ve been experiencing grief in waves, and chunks. Last week, I felt bereft and hopeless for a couple of days and had to talk to myself to keep myself going. “Anne, people need you. Isabella needs you. You have to take care of her. She misses her sister, too. Just give […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Part 3

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    On Day 9 after the loss of my beloved Camilla due to a brain tumor, I think it’s important to start the day with love. Whether it’s petting my remaining dog Isabella, or sending love letters to my boyfriend, I feel better when I start the day with something that will last. Because any love given and received is eternal and makes bonds that even death can’t break. And in the future, I’ll feel better knowing that I really showed my love to my loved ones. At least that’s something I can hang on to when the times comes that […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Part Two

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    My relief is giving way to anxiety and the inability to concentrate. On the sixth day after I put my beloved Camilla to sleep after a long illness, I wake up refreshed, but that feeling soon gives way to dread. Thoughts of Cami keep intruding. Why wasn’t I able to save her? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? I still have Isabella, my German Shepherd/Lab, but that doesn’t comfort me. I want Camilla. I want to pet her and feel her fur beneath my fingers. I want to tell her how much I love her. […]

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  • Open to hope

    A Forever Decision: Letting Go of a Dog

    Posted on September 20, 2012 - by Anne Hamilton

    I’m starting to realize that she is not coming back. Five days ago, I put my beloved dog Camilla to sleep. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland and she was experiencing debilitating symptoms. It was best to end her suffering. It was a forever decision. The first day, I felt relieved. I had been nursing her for a year and a half. I never knew when she would have another seizure. I had to guide her to and from the backyard by clapping so she could follow the sound – she had gone blind. I have another dog […]

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  • Open to hope

    Pet Cremation Mistake: Breaking the Bad News

    Posted on March 27, 2012 - by Marty Tousley

    Question from a reader: I wonder if you could give me some advice. Recently our pet cat died and we decided to have her cremated so the ashes could be scattered in our garden. I have just learned from our vet who sent the cat to the crematorium that accidently our cat was not labeled and was mass-cremated. It now leaves me with a dilemma as I know my partner will be distraught about this. Should I get another set of ashes (which my vet says they can supply) or should I tell her the truth? I honestly don’t know […]

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  • Open to hope

    Continuing Connection with a Pet that Has Died

    Posted on January 18, 2012 - by Wendy Packman

    “Death ends a life – it does not end a relationship.” — (Anderson, 1974) When one suffers the loss of a dear, beloved animal companion, it is a profound loss and a heart-wrenching experience: “I feel like a part of me died with her. I feel a deep emptiness inside that is physically painful (bereaved pet parent).”  Bereaved pet parents are changed by the loss experience. Part of the change is a transformed but continuing relationship with their deceased pet. Many bereaved talk about maintaining and experiencing an ongoing attachment and continuing bond with their beloved pet following the loss. […]

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  • Open to hope

    Did My Cat Go to Heaven?

    Posted on October 1, 2011 - by Marty Tousley

    Question from a reader:  I have been grieving the loss of my cat for some time now, and the pain does not go away. I am still very sad and wondering what kind of help you can give me.  I keep thinking—did my Mittens go to heaven or not?  I had a very tight bond with this cat.  I miss her companionship every day and I miss her so much. My response:   I’m so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved cat Mittens, and I offer you my deepest sympathy. Having lost my own beloved Tibetan terrier Beringer just […]

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  • Open to hope

    Falling in Love Again after Pet-Loss

    Posted on April 15, 2011 - by Bonnie Goodman

    My beloved first golden retriever died in July 2005, The anticipated and then excruciating pain of his loss lingered for months on end, tears flowed uncontrollably and a growing yearning for that furry connection permeated my soul. I swore to never get another dog again, as I couldn’t tolerate yet another heart wrenching “letting go.” But, a nagging question lingered: Could I continue my life without a dog? This was a terrible dilemma, as I felt a nagging emptiness without a dog to nurture. Yet the void grew wider with each passing day and my desire never ceased, I was […]

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