This is an excerpt from Embracing Life After Loss: A Gentle Guide for Growing Through Grief by Allen Klein, available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Embracing-Life-After-Loss-Growing/dp/1642500062/ref=sr_1_1?crid=330F5I7PHDK96&keywords=embracing+life+after+loss+klein&qid=1579904828&sprefix=Embracing+lif%2Caps%2C219&sr=8-1
I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes—
I wonder if It weighs like Mine— Or has an Easier size.
—Emily Dickinson, American poet
Sometimes the biggest obstacle in getting through a loss is not the loss itself, but our notion of how we should react to it. We feel that we should be sad; we should feel remorse; we should be upset. In truth, there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss, nor how long the mourning period should last, nor what stages of the grieving process we will or will not experience.
Some people think that grief lasts a year. They wonder why they are still grieving after that time. Grief has its own timetable. Just as one person is totally different from another, so too is one person’s grieving process different from anyone else’s.
The same is true of the intensity of grief. Some people experience a loss and move on shortly afterward. For others, it takes a much longer time.
And, even though such things as anger, depression, guilt, numbness, being overwhelmed, and shock are part of grief, you may experience all of them, some of them, or none of them.
Try not to compare your grief to someone else’s. You are unique.
So is your grief.